Tag: personal-development

  • Between Languages: Why Nuanced Thinking Feels Like a Rebellion

    I’ve spent most of my life between two languages, and I only recently understood what that has cost me — and what it’s given me.

    I grew up speaking Hungarian, in a language that wraps itself around complexity. Hungarian doesn’t let you be definitive in the way English does. There’s room for doubt in the grammar itself, space for the listener to meet you halfway. Metaphors aren’t decoration; they’re how meaning actually travels. The language assumes context, assumes a listener who will bring their own understanding to what you’re saying. It’s a language built for nuance.

    As I became more fluent in English, something began to shift without my noticing.

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    English is a precise language, and I loved it for that. I could be clear, analytical, efficient. I could describe things with exactness that Hungarian’s poetry sometimes obscured. In English, I found a voice that felt more confident, more capable of taking apart an idea and laying it out clearly. I could say what I meant without the soft hedging that Hungarian seems to invite.

    But there was something I didn’t notice I was losing until much later: the ability to hold two things at once without forcing them into opposition.

    What I See Now

    I pay attention to what happens on social media — partly professionally, partly because I’m curious about how people think. And what I see, increasingly, is people in rooms talking only to people who already agree with them. They’re not listening to understand; they’re collecting ammunition. Every sentence from “the other side” is evidence of stupidity or malice, never just a different frame of reference.

    It would be easy to dismiss this as surface-level polarisation — the usual complaints about social media bubbles. But what actually troubles me runs deeper. I watch people I know to be thoughtful, intelligent, fundamentally decent become unreachable because they’re terrified. Terrified of being wrong, of changing their minds, of being attacked if they say something that doesn’t fit neatly into an approved position. The fear is palpable.

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    And I watch what happens to anyone who tries to speak from a place of genuine nuance: they get flattened. Called fence-sitters. Told they’re part of the problem. If you acknowledge that there might be a legitimate concern on both sides of something, you’re complicit. If you point out that extremism is dangerous on any end of the political spectrum, you’re “both-sides-ing” a situation where one side is clearly right.

    What truly frightens me is that there seems to be no way to disagree without being forced to choose a side completely, without staying fragmented. You have to choose a side completely, or you’re nothing. The middle ground — where most complex reality actually lives — has become a place where you can’t stand without being attacked from all directions.

    And I’ve felt the pull of it myself. I’ve wanted to just pick a lane, stop trying to explain the texture of things, stop wasting energy on people who won’t listen anyway. There’s a relief in binary thinking, I understand that now. It’s less lonely, somehow, to just commit fully to one story about how the world works.

    The Prison We Don’t See

    Last week I was talking with a friend — someone caught in this exact thing. She’d expressed a view that didn’t align with her social circle, and the response was swift and total. She was labeled, dismissed, no longer fully trusted. What stayed with me, though, was watching how she’d started to interpret her own thoughts differently. The nuanced view she’d held was now something to be ashamed of, something to hide. She’d begun to police her own thinking before anyone else could.

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    She said something that has stayed with me: “It’s like I’m in a prison, but the prison is made of my own fear of what people will think.”

    And I thought: yes. That’s exactly it.

    We talk about polarisation as if it’s something happening to us — as if social media algorithms or political extremists are forcing us into corners. And yes, those things are there. But there’s another part of the story, the part that feels less like blame and more like understanding: we’re choosing the prison because the alternative — sitting with uncertainty, holding complexity, risking misunderstanding — requires a kind of emotional and psychological strength that we’re not taught we need.

    We’re not taught it because nobody named it as a skill. We’re taught to think critically, to analyse, to form opinions. But we’re not taught how to be when we’re thinking critically — how to regulate our nervous system when confronted with ideas that threaten our sense of safety or identity. We’re not taught that you can’t think clearly from a place of fear. That binary thinking is what your brain does when it’s scared. That the only way out is to calm down first.

    What Language Was Trying to Tell Me

    A few years ago, I was on a walk — which is where the real thinking happens for me, away from the distraction of trying to think — and I realised something about my two languages that I’d never quite articulated before.

    When I think in Hungarian, I’m in a different relationship with complexity. The language itself assumes that things are layered, that context matters, that what you mean can’t always be said directly. The grammar reflects this: there’s room for uncertainty built into how you form a sentence. You have to account for nuance. It means the listener has to meet you halfway — they can’t just passively receive meaning. They have to make meaning from what you’re saying.

    When I think in English, I’m drawn toward precision, toward naming things exactly. English wants you to say what you mean clearly, without ambiguity. It’s a beautiful precision — but it comes with an assumption buried deep in the language itself: that things are basically separable, categorisable, distinct from one another. If the word exists in English, it means the thing itself exists as a discrete entity.

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    English’s precision — the way it wants you to say what you mean clearly, without ambiguity — is one reason it thrives as a global language. You don’t need shared background knowledge to understand someone speaking English. You can say something and it lands cleanly.

    But that precision comes with a hidden cost: it trains your mind toward binary categorisation. Research on language and cognition — what’s called linguistic relativity — has shown that the language you speak actually influences how you think, how you perceive, what categories feel natural to you. It’s not that language determines thought completely, but it shapes it measurably. And English, with its emphasis on explicit precision and categorical clarity, nudges us toward thinking in polar opposites.

    This only became clear to me because I can feel it when I switch languages. When I think in Hungarian, nuance emerges almost without effort. There’s room for contradiction, for “yes, and also.” But when I think in English — especially under pressure, when I’m trying to be clear and efficient — I feel myself drawn toward either/or. Toward the kind of thinking that divides the world into clean categories.

    Add to this what psychiatrist Iain McGilchrist has been documenting for decades: that Western culture itself has gradually become dominated by left-hemisphere thinking — the kind of thinking that’s analytical, focused on detail, that breaks things into categories and sees the world as objects to be manipulated. Meanwhile, the right hemisphere’s way of seeing — which holds context, relationships, the whole picture, the irreducible complexity of things — has been gradually sidelined. We’ve built an entire culture around left-brain ways of knowing, and we’re shocked to find that we can’t think our way out of polarization using the very mode of thinking that creates it.

    So you have a double squeeze: a language that linguistically invites binary thinking, and a culture that has elevated left-brain categorization as the primary mode of understanding. No wonder nuanced thinking feels like swimming against the current.

    Why People Get Trapped (And It’s Not Stupidity)

    The polarisation we see online and in politics isn’t really about people being stupid or malicious. I think it’s closer to this: people are scared, and their nervous systems are doing exactly what nervous systems do when they’re frightened. They’re narrowing their focus, searching for threat, protecting their tribe.

    Research on polarisation shows that group identity is a powerful force — far more powerful than actual disagreement on specific issues. Once we’ve joined a group, our brains start to work differently. We see things the group sees, we become emotionally invested in the group’s survival, we interpret ambiguous information in ways that support the group’s narrative. This is tribalism at work — ancient, deeply rooted in how humans survive together.

    But here’s what we shouldn’t forget: our brains are wired to seek out content that feels safe and validating, especially when we’re stressed or anxious. Social media algorithms exploit this by rewarding us with engagement on polarised content — which is why it’s so hard to resist. Our nervous systems are literally being trained to seek out the binary, the extreme, the certain. Because certainty feels safe. Complexity feels dangerous.

    Which means that critical thinking — real critical thinking, the kind that can hold opposing ideas and sit with uncertainty — requires something that nobody’s really teaching: emotional regulation. Nervous system calm. The psychological and emotional capacity to tolerate the anxiety that comes with complexity, with not-knowing, with holding multiple truths at once.

    Rollo May, the existential psychologist, wrote about this. He argued that anxiety isn’t something to be eliminated — it’s actually the signal that you’re free, that you’re taking responsibility for your own thinking. The problem is that in a culture that teaches us to fear anxiety, we’ll do almost anything to escape it. Binary thinking offers an escape route: if you’re just certain, if you just commit completely to one story, the anxiety goes away. You belong to a group. You know what to think. You’re safe.

    But you’re not actually safe. You’re just imprisoned by your own certainty.

    What We Actually Need to Learn

    If I could redesign what we teach in schools, I wouldn’t just teach critical thinking. I’d teach what has to come first: how to be in your own body when you’re uncomfortable. How to regulate your nervous system when you’re scared or angry. How to tolerate the anxiety that comes with genuine thinking.

    Because here’s what happens in therapy, if you’re paying attention: people don’t change their minds through argument. They change their minds when they feel safe enough to think. When their nervous system has calmed down enough that the prefrontal cortex — the part that does actual thinking — can come back online. When they’re no longer in fight-or-flight mode, imagining enemies, defending against threat.

    Most of us are walking around in a low-grade fight-or-flight state, and we don’t even realise it. Our shoulders are tense. Our breath is shallow. We’re ready to defend ourselves. And from that state, you can’t actually think. You can only react.

    But when someone feels genuinely understood — not agreed with, just understood — the nervous system settles. The mind becomes available again. You can hold complexity because you don’t need to defend against it anymore.

    This is what I’d want to teach: the psychological and emotional prerequisite for real thinking. How to be with yourself and with others in a way that doesn’t require collapsing everything into safe categories.

    The Quiet Rebellion

    What strikes me about people who can hold nuance, who can sit with complexity without needing to collapse it into binary — is that they’re often quietly isolated. They don’t fit neatly anywhere. They’re not right-wing enough for some people, not left-wing enough for others. They annoy people on all sides because they won’t commit fully to the tribe.

    But I think this capacity — to think across boundaries, to hold multiple perspectives, to stay curious about where people are actually coming from rather than just seeing them as examples of their category — might be one of the most important things we need right now.

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    It’s not comfortable. It’s not safe, in the way that group belonging is safe. It requires emotional maturity, and it requires patience, and it requires a kind of courage that doesn’t look like courage because it’s not aggressive. It’s the courage to stay thoughtful when everyone is trying to pull you toward certainty.

    I think back to Paustovsky, the Russian writer whose autobiography I’ve been reading. He was a person who could hold his era and his country and his own doubts and hopes all at once, without flattening any of them into simple narrative. He wrote about a time of enormous political polarisation, and what he did was pay attention. To textures. To the complexity of people. To the way meaning works beneath the slogans.

    That’s the thinking we need.

    An Invitation

    If you’re someone who finds yourself between things — between languages, between political frameworks, between the stories people want you to tell about yourself — you’re doing something much harder than most people manage: thinking without the safety of certainty.

    The world you see — the texture of it, the contradiction, the way everything is more complicated than the headlines suggest — is what real perception looks like.

    And I think we need more of this thinking. We need people who can stay curious when it’s easier to join the tribe. Who can listen to understand rather than to win. Who can hold the anxiety that comes with complexity without collapsing into binary certainty.

    It’s lonely sometimes, this way of thinking. You’ll be misunderstood from all sides. You’ll be called names. You’ll be told you’re not committed enough, not angry enough, not certain enough.

    But you’re also free. You’re not imprisoned by other people’s stories. You can think your own thoughts, ask your own questions, make your own sense of things.

    And maybe, if enough of us stay in that uncomfortable middle ground, that’s where real change starts — by creating space for other people to think.


    If You Want to Explore These Ideas Further

    If the language/cognition connection intrigues you, Iain McGilchrist’s The Master and His Emissary is the foundational text — dense but rewarding. His more recent work, The Matter with Things (2021), is even more comprehensive.

    For understanding how anxiety and freedom intersect, Rollo May’s The Meaning of Anxiety (1950) is still the best place to start. It’s philosophical but deeply human.

    Irvin Yalom’s Existential Psychotherapy (1980) is the clinical bible for understanding the four givens of existence — if you want the rigorous version.

    And if you want something pure and beautiful on paying attention to complexity and nuance, Konstantin Paustovsky’s autobiography, The Story of a Life (various English editions available) shows you what it looks like to live this way.

    The research on polarisation and group identity is scattered across journals, but the work by Stefan Thurner and colleagues at the Complexity Science Hub (published in PNAS, 2025) provides solid evidence that polarization is measurable and real — and linked to how our social networks have changed.

  • Learning to Sit With Your Emotions: How to Feel Without Needing to Know Why

    The Common Moment in Therapy

    “I don’t know why I feel this way.” Have you ever said that out loud while sitting with a friend or a counsellor, trying to make sense of what you’re feeling? I know I’ve been there. Sitting there, feeling the wheels of my mind turning, searching for any possible reason that could explain what I feel. And the thing is, whenever I go looking for a reason, I’ll always find one. I’ll explain a feeling away with whatever makes the most sense in that moment. That’s the left side of the brain doing what it does best: filling in the gaps, not worrying whether it’s true, only that it fits.

    I know I’m not alone in this. (Yes, you — I’m talking to you.) I’ve heard that same sentence from so many clients in therapy, and it’s what made me want to write about it. The idea of not knowing exactly where a feeling comes from often brings up guilt or frustration, as if not knowing is some kind of personal failure. Like being unsure of your feelings means you’ve somehow failed at being a person.

    But not being able to name or explain what you feel isn’t a sign of disconnection. I’d actually argue it might be the opposite. We live in a culture that teaches us to name and categorise everything (maybe because it makes us feel safe, because uncertainty is uncomfortable). And somewhere along the way, we started applying that same rule to emotions. The moment a feeling shows up (especially an uncomfortable one), we’re told to identify it, label it, find it on the emotions wheel (have you ever been shown one of those?), then analyse it, explain it, and make sure we can justify why it’s there. To me, that sounds like an exhausting process for something that, physiologically, only lasts about 90 seconds. Wouldn’t it be kinder to just let ourselves feel it, instead of rushing to understand it?

    Our Obsession With Knowing

    We live in a culture that worships knowing. From a young age, we’re taught that the goal is to figure things out, to analyse, to explain. Uncertainty means you haven’t done enough. Remember school? There was always a right answer, and if you didn’t know it, you just had to try harder. That lesson sticks.

    As adults, we bring that same mindset into our emotional world. We treat feelings like problems to be solved instead of experiences to be felt. We think if we can just understand why we feel something, then we’ll have done it “right.”

    Iain McGilchrist writes beautifully about this — how our culture has become dominated by the left hemisphere of the brain, the side that values logic, categorisation, and control. It’s brilliant at making sense of things, but it also struggles to leave space for what can’t be neatly explained. And when that part of the brain takes over, we start to believe that knowing equals competence. That not knowing means failure.

    So we analyse, interpret, and overthink our own emotions. We chase explanations instead of sitting with the actual feeling. It’s as if we can’t allow ourselves to simply be until we’ve written a full essay on why we’re feeling sad, angry, or lost.

    What Happens When We Overthink Our Feelings

    Neuroscientist Jill Bolte Taylor talks about something called the 90-second rule: the idea that an emotion, as a physiological experience, only lasts about a minute and a half. That’s how long it takes for the chemicals triggered by an emotion to move through the body. After that, what keeps the feeling going isn’t biology — it’s thought.

    Emotions are meant to rise, peak, and pass. They’re waves, not storms. But when we start analysing them (Why do I feel this way? What does it mean? Should I be feeling this?), we keep activating the same emotional response over and over again. It’s like hitting “refresh” on a page we don’t actually want to stay on.

    That’s how sadness turns into heaviness, how anger lingers as resentment, how fear becomes anxiety. Overanalysis traps us in a feedback loop where we’re no longer feeling the original emotion, just the story we’ve built around it.

    And it can happen with any emotion. For some people, sadness feels unsafe. For others, it’s anger or even joy. So the mind steps in to manage it, to think it away, to control it, to make it make sense. But all that thinking just keeps us stuck inside the feeling we were trying to escape in the first place.

    Therapy and the Value of Unknowing

    Even in therapy, the “why” mindset sneaks in. We’re trained to look for root causes, to find patterns, to make meaning out of everything that hurts. And while understanding can be powerful, I’ve learnt that searching for answers too soon can actually pull us away from what’s most alive in the room: the feeling itself.

    There was a time when I thought that was the work. Help people figure out their feelings. Make sense of them. But over time, I started to notice that the moments of real change didn’t come from explanation. They came from presence. From slowing down enough to actually be with what was happening, without rushing to label or fix it.

    I’ve had to learn that myself too. I grew up in the same culture that values analysis over experience, knowing over feeling. So learning to stay with uncertainty, to resist the urge to tidy things up, has been a slow and ongoing process. To this day, I still catch myself trying to decode something instead of sitting with it.

    It’s something I still work on, too. As a therapist and as a person.

    What It Means to “Stay With” a Feeling

    So what does it actually mean to stay with a feeling? It’s simpler than it sounds and harder than it looks. It means noticing what’s happening inside you without rushing to understand or change it.

    You might feel your chest tighten or your stomach drop. Maybe your jaw tenses or your breath gets shallow. Staying with it means allowing those sensations to be there, without turning them into a story. No analysis, no self-critique, no “why”. Just noticing.

    It’s about presence, not understanding. Acceptance, not control. Letting the feeling move through instead of trying to pin it down.

    If you want to try this, the next time you notice a strong emotion, pause before asking, ‘Why am I feeling this?’ Instead, see if you can bring your attention to your body. What do you notice? Where do you feel it? You don’t need to name it or make sense of it. Maybe do a slow scan from your head to your feet, or just follow the rhythm of your breath for a minute. That’s it.

    It’s a practice that doesn’t offer quick answers, but over time, it builds a kind of trust in yourself. The kind that doesn’t depend on knowing, only on being.

    The Reframe: Understanding Comes Later

    Staying with your feelings doesn’t mean giving up on understanding. Insight isn’t lost. It just arrives differently. When we allow ourselves to fully experience a feeling without rushing to explain it, understanding tends to emerge naturally, in its own time.

    This is how the therapeutic process often works. When safety and acceptance are in place, reflection comes on its own. Clarity shows up after presence, not before it. You don’t need to force it.

    So if you’re sitting with an emotion and feel uncertain, remind yourself: it’s okay not to know yet. You’re simply feeling. And for now, that’s enough.


    In therapy, we make space for not knowing. That’s often where the real work begins: in the unknowing, in the pause before explanation.

    If you recognise this in yourself, if you notice the urge to figure things out instead of just feeling them, there’s a way to explore it with support. You can practise sitting with what’s here, noticing it, and letting it pass, without needing all the answers right now.

    If You’re Interested in Reading More

    If you want to dig deeper into the ideas I’ve mentioned here, these are a couple of great places to start:

    • Jill Bolte Taylor’s work on the neuroscience of emotions and the 90-second rule, which explains how emotions naturally rise and pass: My Stroke of Insight: A Brain Scientist’s Personal Journey (2008).
    • Iain McGilchrist’s The Master and His Emissary (2019) explores how our culture and left-brain–dominant thinking shape the way we perceive and interpret the world.

    Both offer fascinating insights into how our minds work and why learning to sit with feelings, rather than immediately trying to explain them, can make such a difference.

  • Why Trying to Be Perfect Might Drive You Towards Your Own Extinction

    The Extinction-Level Threat of Perfectionism

    Imagine a species so obsessed with being flawless that it refuses to adapt. Can’t climb a tree because its claws aren’t “perfectly aligned”? Won’t eat a new type of berry because it’s not “ideal”? You’d be extinct before lunch.

    And yet, as humans, we sometimes do the exact same thing. Except our “species” is just ourselves. The extinction we’re facing isn’t literal; it’s emotional, social, and sometimes just plain miserable.

    Perfectionism: The Survival Strategy That Backfires

    Perfectionism feels like a strategy. Follow all the rules, tick all the boxes, and hope life bends in your favour. But in nature, rigidity kills. Flexibility wins. The animals that survive aren’t the fastest, strongest, or prettiest. They’re the ones that can adapt when the world changes.

    Humans are remarkably adaptable creatures. Our ancestors survived ice ages, plagues, and the occasional neighbour with an unhealthy grudge. They survived by experimenting, learning, and failing spectacularly. Perfectionism, ironically, rejects all that adaptability. It turns growth into a high-stakes game with only one acceptable outcome: flawless performance. Spoiler: nobody wins at that game.

    Perfectionism in Everyday Life

    In therapy, perfectionism shows up in many forms:

    • People-pleasing to the point of exhaustion
    • Obsessing over mistakes long after anyone else cares
    • Avoiding opportunities unless they can be executed “perfectly”
    • Over-preparing for meetings, social events, or even small chores because “anything less would be unacceptable”
    • Constantly comparing yourself to others and feeling like you’re falling short
    • Difficulty finishing projects because they’re never “good enough”
    • Reluctance to speak up or share ideas unless you’re certain they’re flawless
    • Rigid daily routines that feel safer than spontaneity, even when they drain you
    • Emotional suppression—trying to only feel or express “acceptable” emotions
    • Apologising excessively for things that don’t require it, just in case

    The cost isn’t just that we feel stressed or anxious. We pay with our flexibility. Every time you insist on a perfect outcome, you shrink your ability to adapt, respond, and survive emotionally. You’re training yourself to survive only under ideal conditions. And let’s face it, life is rarely ideal.

    Adaptability: The True Survival Skill

    So, what’s the alternative? Start small:

    • Make one intentional mistake this week—an email with a typo, burnt toast, slightly crooked wall art—and notice that the world keeps turning.
    • Try a new approach, even if it’s imperfect. Flex your mental muscles.
    • Celebrate “good enough” as a form of resilience, not failure

    Research in psychology supports this: people who allow themselves to fail and experiment tend to be more resilient, creative, and emotionally agile. Neuroplasticity (fancy scientist speak for your brain’s impressive ability to bend, stretch, and figure things out) thrives when we step outside rigid perfectionistic patterns.

    Laugh, Stumble, Survive

    Perfectionism feels like safety, but it’s a trap. Adaptability is survival. Flexibility is thriving. And laughing at yourself along the way? That’s just smart evolution.

    If our species and our emotional lives have taught us anything, it’s that survival favours the flexible. So relax, stumble a little, and stop trying to be a flawless specimen. Your species will thank you.