You’re not crazy for crying at a yoghurt commercial.
Or snapping at your partner over a dishwasher situation that was really about… everything else.
Maybe you’ve felt totally overwhelmed lately. But when someone asks how you are, all you can say is “I’m just tired.” Except it’s not just tired. It’s something messier. Sadness? Anger? Guilt with a splash of existential dread?
Most of us were never taught what emotions really are, let alone how to understand emotions when they show up. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, disconnected, or stuck in a loop of “What is wrong with me?”, you’re not alone.
This post is for you if:
- You’ve ever said, “I don’t even know what I’m feeling.”
- You grew up in a “We don’t do feelings” kind of home.
- You’re trying to function, but something inside feels… off.
The truth is: emotions aren’t random. And they’re definitely not a sign you’re broken.
They’re messages. From you, to you.
In this post, we’ll explore:
- What emotions are actually for
- Why you might struggle to name or express them
- How to gently start decoding your emotional world
- Why therapy can help. Even if you don’t feel “bad enough” for it
Let’s begin with the basics: what are emotions, really?
What Are Emotions, Really? (And Why Should You Care?)
Let’s clear something up: emotions are not the enemy.
They’re not weaknesses to conquer or distractions to suppress. They’re not even “good” or “bad.”
They’re data.
Your emotions are your nervous system’s way of saying, “Hey, something’s happening. Pay attention.”
Think of them as the body’s internal notification system:
- Anxiety might mean “something feels unsafe or unpredictable.”
- Sadness could be saying, “I’ve lost something that mattered.”
- Anger? Often, it’s “a boundary’s been crossed.”
But here’s the problem: if you were never taught how to decode your emotional notifications, they start piling up. Like 47 unopened emails from your inner self.
And when those feelings don’t get heard, they don’t just disappear. They often turn into:
- Chronic stress or burnout
- Disconnection from yourself and others
- Physical symptoms (hello, headaches and tight shoulders)
- Patterns of behaviour that don’t make sense — until you look underneath
This is why learning emotional awareness isn’t fluff. It’s survival. It helps you:
- Make decisions that are actually right for you
- Build relationships that feel safe
- Stop living on autopilot or constantly second-guessing yourself
Knowing what you feel is the first step to knowing what you need.
And when you start listening, everything else starts to shift.
Why Is It So Hard to Know What I’m Feeling?
If you’ve ever sat in a therapy session and thought, “I don’t know what I feel. I just feel… off,” you’re not alone.
Many people struggle to name their emotions. In fact, there’s a word for that: alexithymia. It literally means “no words for emotions.” And while it’s sometimes linked to neurodivergence or trauma, it can also show up in anyone who didn’t grow up in a home where feelings were named, welcomed, or made sense of.
If your childhood version of “talking about feelings” looked more like:
- “Stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about”
- “You’re too sensitive”
- Or silence so loud you could hear it ringing in your chest
…then emotional awareness isn’t something you’re bad at.
It’s something you were never taught.
Sometimes people with alexithymia or emotional disconnect aren’t cold or unfeeling. They’re overwhelmed, shut down, or have had to over-rely on logic to feel safe. That’s a nervous system strategy, not a personality flaw.
The good news? Emotional awareness can be learnt.
And no, it doesn’t involve staring in a mirror and repeating affirmations (unless that’s your thing; you do you).
It starts with small things, like:
- Expanding your emotional vocabulary beyond “fine” and “stressed”
- Noticing how different emotions feel in your body
- Asking yourself, “What happened right before I started feeling like this?”
So if you’re someone who often says “I don’t know” when asked how you feel, that’s not a dead end.
It’s just a starting point.
What Happens When You Suppress Emotions for Too Long?
You don’t stop feeling just because you stop noticing your feelings. Emotions are sneaky like that. When we suppress them, either consciously or because we were never taught how to process them, they don’t just disappear. They go underground. And eventually, they come out sideways.
Sometimes that looks like:
- Snapping at someone for breathing too loudly
- Crying over a burnt piece of toast
- Getting physically ill with stress-related symptoms
- Feeling constantly “on edge” but having no clue why
Suppressing emotions over time doesn’t make you stronger. It just makes you tired. And often? Burnt out, shut down, or stuck in a loop of overthinking.
It’s also worth knowing: long-term emotional suppression can have a real impact on your mental health. Research links it to higher rates of anxiety, depression, and even physical health issues. Your nervous system wasn’t designed to carry all your feelings in a locked box forever, especially without a key.
This doesn’t mean you need to start “feeling your feelings” 24/7 or become an emotional detective overnight. But recognising that your emotions have a job and that job is to signal what matters can shift how you respond to them.
Think of emotions like internal emails. You might not want to open them, but ignoring them usually leads to a messy inbox and a few “URGENT” subject lines showing up eventually.
What Does It Actually Mean to “Feel Your Feelings”?
We hear this advice all the time. “You need to feel your feelings.” Okay… but what does that actually mean? Do we sit in a dark room and cry for hours? Do we punch pillows? Journal furiously until the pen runs out?
Not necessarily.
Feeling your feelings means making space to notice what’s going on inside you, instead of pushing it away, distracting yourself, or pretending everything’s fine.
It means:
- Noticing the tightness in your chest and wondering if it’s sadness or stress
- Naming the hot flush in your cheeks as anger, not just “being dramatic”
- Letting yourself admit “I’m hurt” without trying to justify why you shouldn’t be
It’s the opposite of bottling things up or gaslighting yourself. And it’s not just for “emotional people.” In fact, people who’ve gone numb or shut down often need this the most, especially if you relate to alexithymia, which is when identifying or describing your emotions feels like trying to read a book in a language you never learnt.
Feeling your feelings isn’t indulgent. It’s intelligence. Your emotions carry information about what you care about, what you need, and what might need to change. If you can learn to decode them, they become less overwhelming and more like internal signposts.
Next, we’ll get into the how. Gently. No complicated journaling prompts or dramatic soul-searching required.
How Do You Start Feeling Your Feelings?
So, how do you actually get better at identifying your emotions, especially if they feel like a murky soup instead of anything nameable?
The first step is: don’t aim for perfection. Aim for curiosity. You don’t need to become a walking feelings encyclopaedia overnight. But you can learn to tune in and get closer to what’s going on inside.
1. Start by tracking energy and pleasantness
If naming emotions feels impossible, try this:
Ask yourself two things: Do I feel high or low energy? And is this sensation pleasant or unpleasant?
This helps to narrow things down without needing an exact label. From there, you might get closer to something like tired but content, agitated, or flat. These aren’t just labels; they’re doorways.
This simple approach is used in the free How We Feel app (https://howwefeel.org/), which was created by therapists, scientists, and people who’ve struggled with emotional awareness themselves. It helps you check in using a visual grid and, based on your answers, offers emotion words you might not have considered.
2. Use a feelings wheel
You’ve probably seen one floating around online: a colourful chart with basic emotions in the centre (sad, happy, angry) and more specific ones branching out. The feelings wheel helps you move from vague to precise.
Try starting with something general: “I feel bad.”
Then use the wheel to go deeper: is it frustrated? Lonely? Overwhelmed?
You’re not aiming for the “right” answer. You’re aiming to get closer.
3. Talk out loud (or write it down)
If your inner world is a mystery, sometimes saying it out loud, even to yourself, helps. Try this:
“I don’t know what I’m feeling, but I know I’m…” And then fill in the blank with whatever comes. Stuck? Add context. “I just got home, and my chest feels heavy. I think I wanted today to go differently.”
You can also voice memo yourself or jot notes in your phone. Think of it as gathering clues.
4. Therapy (yes, obviously)
Sometimes, the most powerful way to learn how to feel is by being asked gentle questions in a safe space. Not everyone had that growing up. Therapy can offer it now, especially if your go-to response has always been to numb, shut down, or perform instead of feeling.
Why This Matters (And Isn’t Just Navel-Gazing)
It’s easy to think emotional awareness is a luxury. Something for people with too much time or too many feelings. But here’s the truth: when you can name what you feel, you’re better able to meet your needs.
This isn’t about turning yourself into a walking mood board. It’s about understanding why you’re snapping at your partner, why you’re exhausted by 10am, or why you keep saying yes to things that drain you.
For many of us emotional fluency wasn’t taught. In fact, emotional expression may have been shamed, ignored, or simply… lost in translation. Add to that a culture that rewards pushing through over slowing down, and no wonder so many of us live from the neck up.
Learning to name your emotions doesn’t fix everything. But it does give you a map and maybe even a way home to yourself.
And if you’ve tried every journal prompt and mood tracker out there and still feel stuck? That’s okay too. That’s where therapy can help.
Not because you’re broken but because you were never taught the language of your inner world. And we can learn it together.
Want support figuring out your emotional landscape?
I work with people who feel like they’re “too much” or “not enough,” sometimes at the same time. Whether you’re emotionally fluent or still stuck at “I feel meh,” I’d love to help.
Visit www.trueformtherapy.co.uk to find out more or book a consultation.